ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
