"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize