my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
