Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
