dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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