I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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