is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
