the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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