We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Congratulations! We have a period
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
