Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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