Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Are my feet made of real feet?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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