he was CRYING into my vagina
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
