My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize