so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Oh god it's open bar.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
