oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
