i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ladies don't puke and tell
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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