On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
