I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
