you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
