Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
