well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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