Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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