I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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