Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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