i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize