I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
