You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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