Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
