im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
