I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
