She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This baby is an asshole
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
