Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize