i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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