i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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