I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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