So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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