I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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