there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you will always have a special place in my vag
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
