I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's blow job season.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
