Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
