I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize