Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
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I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
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My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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