i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
