Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
