Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
