He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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