I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
