I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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