my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
