You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He? As in you personified your dick?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
