just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
