yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Your penis caused this!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
