is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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