Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
