walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
