I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
