so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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