So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
