so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
